Staff Bios

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Dodgeball Club Staff

President - Mike Guinn
When Mike Guinn was a child living in the Andes Mountains, the only way to survive the mountain lions was the ability to throw dodgeball-sized stones with deadly accuracy and force. As a teen, he was discovered by accident by a dodgeball scout from America who got separated from his tour. The scout brought him to America where in the great secret underground dodgeball tournaments run by the cave people of Kithmandu he dominated and won the tournament every year from '84-'90. In a fluke that involved a projectile trombone, Matt Hoffman won the legendary showdown at the finals of '91. Mike went into solitude after that and only came out of hiding to found the dodgeball club at SLUH, where maybe a new prodigy will emerge to take his place.

Vice President - Joe Griffin
When Joe Griffin was a youngling, the only toy he was allowed was a small ball. At one point, he choked on the ball, was deprived of oxygen for twenty-five minutes, and went into a coma for three months. When he awoke, all were amazed at the superhuman dodgeball skills he aquired during his coma when he slipped onto another dodgeball-obsessed dimension. Due to lack of popularity of the sport on the other side, Joe's only sanctuary was the SLUH Dodgeball Club, where he now runs things as vice president.

Secratary - Alex Hlavaty
Alexander Michael Hlavaty was born somewhere in late 1989 and now happily resides in Saint Louis, Missouri. As a child he sat Indian style in front of the television where he did not move for an hour strait when Walker Texas Ranger was on. Walker encouraged young Alex to join karate at the tender age of five. Three or four years later Alex electrocuted himself at Rothman furniture by sticking a paperclip in an electric socket, whereby his Sensei, Dave Cloud, taped a sign to him that said “I’m stupid.” Alex quit karate to pursue soccer, but the one armed pirate by the name of Mike Poropat put him on the A team only to bench him every game and tell him he could come to the B games. Alex added Poropat to his “most likely accidentally created” list and concentrated on basketball. When that failed him junior year, he fell back on his job as secretary to the dodge ball club and that’s where he now remains.

Co-Treasurer - Jonny Harvath
Jonny Harvath was born into machine captivity, plugged into an artificial world that enslaved his mind. He lived in ignorant bliss until an incident in which he was caught in a rock slide on a small pacific island. With no escape he was forced to dodge each falling rock, and as he did so he came to the realization that there was something behind this world and woke up. Thus began his real training in the post apocalyptic world most people are familiar with from the movie, The Matrix. He was Morpheus' first option as "The One", but he turned out to be just shy of the mark. He can dodge any anything, but unlike Neo, he has to dodge. So after the disappointing realization that he wasn't the one he was sent on a long term mission to find new people to be pulled out, and in the meantime teach the ways of dodging through the SLUH dodgeball club. He's also apparently good with handling other people's money.

Co-Treasurer - Joel Schmidt
My name is Joel Edward Schmidt. I was born in a St. Louis Hospital somewhere in mid 1988. As I screamed in the hospital, a novel item was placed in my hands, a dodgeball; and so my training began. As a toddler, I was the terror of Child Garden Daycare Center with a rattle in one hand and a dodgeball in the other. As a child, my obsession with Robin Hood took me away from dodgeball as I would retreat into my backyard to practice my bow and arrow and skill with a grappling hook. When reality hit, I became involved in sports from swimming to basketball. Once into SLUH, I discovered that I couldn't compete so in mainstream sports so I stand today as the dodgeball club treasurer with my blond hair topping a lofty 5'6” with a slide rule in one hand and my expense report in the other.

Public Relations Coordinator - Chris Florek was born to two Polish parents, which in turn made him Polish, which in turn gave him the ability to have such an awesome name like Krzysztof. He was begged to be an officer to the dodgeball club for his creative publicity talents and his gorgeous Sonic locks. His publicity talent was derived at his strange young childhood of throwing rocks at kids riding their bikes and dodging them as they came swerving at him and then laughing at them as they fell off the face of the earth. This led to such brilliant ideas as smoking kids in the face with dodgeballs. Yes, his mind is that brilliant.

Events Supervisor - Alex Cooke
Alex Cooke has always been a hardcore man. Afterall, he, like Chris Florek, was born, raised, and still resides in South City. Alex says, "My gradeschool PE curriculum raised me on dodgeball, therefore I rock at it!" Not only does Alex show dedication as a staff member, he has participated the tournament. He led the Purple Tobaggens as well as the Minh Wins to great showings in the first two annual tournaments. In the time it took you to read this, you porbably have realized that Alex is not hardcore in the slightest and he's just a nice guy who likes to have fun!

Events Manager - John Krause
John Krause was born on December 25, 1900 in a little town called Bethlehem. He was admitted to Yale University on the 30th. John spent most of his infancy working on his memoirs. His education was interrupted by World War II, during which he became the only six-year-old to fight in Guadalcanal and to land on the beaches of Normandy. Upon his return to the US, John found that schoolwork no longer challenged him. He transferred his energies to mountain climbing, stock brokerage, learning the world’s languages, playing his harpsichord and, of course, writing his memoirs. While at Yale, John majored in everything. His extracurricular activities included serving as President of the University, and chairing the committee to have Yale moved from New Haven to Mount Olympus. In his spare time John also tames wild horses, and chops down trees to reduce U.S. oil imports. In the afternoons he is in the habit of going into crowded rooms and making everybody else feel inferior. Last year, needing a break from his hectic fast-lane life, John sailed across the Atlantic in his yacht, and successfully became the first person to summit Everest…naked.

Events Coordinator - Matt Hoffman
Born in 1988 in the homeland of Lebanon, tan-tastic Matt Hoffman showed dodgeball skill at an early age. In the Great Showdown of '91 he massively owned archrival Mike Guinn in a shocking upset, balling him so hard that Mike's metabolism regulator was destroyed forever. Matt is honored to be allowed in the dodgeball club, despite his flowing locks.

Club Spokesperson A - Brian Hoelting
I'm Brian Hoelting. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call chronically obsessed with dodge ball. Some say I wasn’t born, but created, and that simply is not true. I was born on September 29th, 1988. My mother was a dodge ball and my father was a taxidermist named Hank. Hank had a pet ferret named Andre who liked grew to love the taste of human blood. As you all know, dodge balls are the ferret’s natural enemy, so the only way to defend myself was by hurling them at little Andre. After awhile I became a crank shot, and my dream of world dodge ball domination began. Today I stand at 6’2”, I have green eyes, GORGEOUS blonde locks, and an undying love for Jaleel White. My motto is: “That rat needs a haircut!”

Club Spokesperson B - Dan Yacovino
Dan Yacovino was the last Russian Czar before the Revolution. He was put in place during the creation of humanity due to Xenu bringing the alien prisoners to Earth and blowing them up in a volcano with a hydrogen bomb just as Tom Cruise and Scientology teach. He was soul #384.78 delta. After the Revolution and the assassination of the fake czar, Nicholas II, Dan moved to a small post-WWII base off the coast of England and named it Sealand. He later became the 3rd President of Argentina during a coup of Sealand but during the Marxist gorrilla (yes, the apes) attacks with the surviving Nazi's who escaped he fled to America and now stays low-key as the Representative to the House of Governors for the Dodgeball Club.

STUCO Representative - Chris Debettencourt
Christian Mark deBettencourt was not born, he has always been. However, in 1988 on a hot June day, he decided to become a person, and brought Dodgeball with him from the beyond. After a rough childhood, he vented his anger and sorrow through teaching Polynesian natives the art of Dodgeball. Through his work overseas, he learned the reknown "Fiery Ball Bandit" technique still used today. His charitable work backfired however, and led to the infamous Polyneisian Civil War and unsuing massacres. Chris narrowly escaped with his life, but he left Polynesia without his left cheek (now replaced by a fashionable metal plate.) Although he rarely speaks of such tragedy today, his experience give him a rough-and-rowdy native style that many copy and none achieve. True to his nature of charity, he now works for the SLUH Dodgeball Club, hoping to spread the art of the game he brought to the world.

Tech Support - Nick Pelikan
Nick Pelikan can bench press your cat. Nick Pelikan has experience. Nick Pelikan served three years on a congressional commitee for sanitation. Nick Pelikan was born to poor quadriplegic immigrants. Nick Pelikan INVENTED the Chuck Norris joke. Nick Pelikan helped his father in an illegal kidney harvesting operation. Nick Pelikan will be your voice in Washington.

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	President - Mike Guinn When Mike Guinn was a child living in the Andes Mountains, the only way to survive the mountain lions was the ability to throw dodgeball-sized stones with deadly accuracy and force. As a teen, he was discovered by accident by a dodgeball scout from America who got separated from his tour. The scout brought him to America where in the great secret underground dodgeball tournaments run by the cave people of Kithmandu he dominated and won the tournament every year from '84-'90. In a fluke that involved a projectile trombone, Matt Hoffman won the legendary showdown at the finals of '91. Mike went into solitude after that and only came out of hiding to found the dodgeball club at SLUH, where maybe a new prodigy will emerge to take his place.
	Vice President - Joe Griffin When Joe Griffin was a youngling, the only toy he was allowed was a small ball. At one point, he choked on the ball, was deprived of oxygen for twenty-five minutes, and went into a coma for three months. When he awoke, all were amazed at the superhuman dodgeball skills he aquired during his coma when he slipped onto another dodgeball-obsessed dimension. Due to lack of popularity of the sport on the other side, Joe's only sanctuary was the SLUH Dodgeball Club, where he now runs things as vice president.
	Secratary - Alex Hlavaty Alexander Michael Hlavaty was born somewhere in late 1989 and now happily resides in Saint Louis, Missouri. As a child he sat Indian style in front of the television where he did not move for an hour strait when Walker Texas Ranger was on. Walker encouraged young Alex to join karate at the tender age of five. Three or four years later Alex electrocuted himself at Rothman furniture by sticking a paperclip in an electric socket, whereby his Sensei, Dave Cloud, taped a sign to him that said “I’m stupid.” Alex quit karate to pursue soccer, but the one armed pirate by the name of Mike Poropat put him on the A team only to bench him every game and tell him he could come to the B games. Alex added Poropat to his “most likely accidentally created” list and concentrated on basketball. When that failed him junior year, he fell back on his job as secretary to the dodge ball club and that’s where he now remains.
	Co-Treasurer - Jonny Harvath Jonny Harvath was born into machine captivity, plugged into an artificial world that enslaved his mind. He lived in ignorant bliss until an incident in which he was caught in a rock slide on a small pacific island. With no escape he was forced to dodge each falling rock, and as he did so he came to the realization that there was something behind this world and woke up. Thus began his real training in the post apocalyptic world most people are familiar with from the movie, The Matrix. He was Morpheus' first option as "The One", but he turned out to be just shy of the mark. He can dodge any anything, but unlike Neo, he has to dodge. So after the disappointing realization that he wasn't the one he was sent on a long term mission to find new people to be pulled out, and in the meantime teach the ways of dodging through the SLUH dodgeball club. He's also apparently good with handling other people's money.
	Co-Treasurer - Joel Schmidt My name is Joel Edward Schmidt. I was born in a St. Louis Hospital somewhere in mid 1988. As I screamed in the hospital, a novel item was placed in my hands, a dodgeball; and so my training began. As a toddler, I was the terror of Child Garden Daycare Center with a rattle in one hand and a dodgeball in the other. As a child, my obsession with Robin Hood took me away from dodgeball as I would retreat into my backyard to practice my bow and arrow and skill with a grappling hook. When reality hit, I became involved in sports from swimming to basketball. Once into SLUH, I discovered that I couldn't compete so in mainstream sports so I stand today as the dodgeball club treasurer with my blond hair topping a lofty 5'6” with a slide rule in one hand and my expense report in the other.
	Public Relations Coordinator - Chris Florek was born to two Polish parents, which in turn made him Polish, which in turn gave him the ability to have such an awesome name like Krzysztof. He was begged to be an officer to the dodgeball club for his creative publicity talents and his gorgeous Sonic locks. His publicity talent was derived at his strange young childhood of throwing rocks at kids riding their bikes and dodging them as they came swerving at him and then laughing at them as they fell off the face of the earth. This led to such brilliant ideas as smoking kids in the face with dodgeballs. Yes, his mind is that brilliant.
	Events Supervisor - Alex Cooke Alex Cooke has always been a hardcore man. Afterall, he, like Chris Florek, was born, raised, and still resides in South City. Alex says, "My gradeschool PE curriculum raised me on dodgeball, therefore I rock at it!" Not only does Alex show dedication as a staff member, he has participated the tournament. He led the Purple Tobaggens as well as the Minh Wins to great showings in the first two annual tournaments. In the time it took you to read this, you porbably have realized that Alex is not hardcore in the slightest and he's just a nice guy who likes to have fun!
	Events Manager - John Krause John Krause was born on December 25, 1900 in a little town called Bethlehem. He was admitted to Yale University on the 30th. John spent most of his infancy working on his memoirs. His education was interrupted by World War II, during which he became the only six-year-old to fight in Guadalcanal and to land on the beaches of Normandy. Upon his return to the US, John found that schoolwork no longer challenged him. He transferred his energies to mountain climbing, stock brokerage, learning the world’s languages, playing his harpsichord and, of course, writing his memoirs. While at Yale, John majored in everything. His extracurricular activities included serving as President of the University, and chairing the committee to have Yale moved from New Haven to Mount Olympus. In his spare time John also tames wild horses, and chops down trees to reduce U.S. oil imports. In the afternoons he is in the habit of going into crowded rooms and making everybody else feel inferior. Last year, needing a break from his hectic fast-lane life, John sailed across the Atlantic in his yacht, and successfully became the first person to summit Everest…naked.
	Events Coordinator - Matt Hoffman Born in 1988 in the homeland of Lebanon, tan-tastic Matt Hoffman showed dodgeball skill at an early age. In the Great Showdown of '91 he massively owned archrival Mike Guinn in a shocking upset, balling him so hard that Mike's metabolism regulator was destroyed forever. Matt is honored to be allowed in the dodgeball club, despite his flowing locks.
	Club Spokesperson A - Brian Hoelting I'm Brian Hoelting. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call chronically obsessed with dodge ball. Some say I wasn’t born, but created, and that simply is not true. I was born on September 29th, 1988. My mother was a dodge ball and my father was a taxidermist named Hank. Hank had a pet ferret named Andre who liked grew to love the taste of human blood. As you all know, dodge balls are the ferret’s natural enemy, so the only way to defend myself was by hurling them at little Andre. After awhile I became a crank shot, and my dream of world dodge ball domination began. Today I stand at 6’2”, I have green eyes, GORGEOUS blonde locks, and an undying love for Jaleel White. My motto is: “That rat needs a haircut!”
	Club Spokesperson B - Dan Yacovino Dan Yacovino was the last Russian Czar before the Revolution. He was put in place during the creation of humanity due to Xenu bringing the alien prisoners to Earth and blowing them up in a volcano with a hydrogen bomb just as Tom Cruise and Scientology teach. He was soul #384.78 delta. After the Revolution and the assassination of the fake czar, Nicholas II, Dan moved to a small post-WWII base off the coast of England and named it Sealand. He later became the 3rd President of Argentina during a coup of Sealand but during the Marxist gorrilla (yes, the apes) attacks with the surviving Nazi's who escaped he fled to America and now stays low-key as the Representative to the House of Governors for the Dodgeball Club.
	STUCO Representative - Chris Debettencourt Christian Mark deBettencourt was not born, he has always been. However, in 1988 on a hot June day, he decided to become a person, and brought Dodgeball with him from the beyond. After a rough childhood, he vented his anger and sorrow through teaching Polynesian natives the art of Dodgeball. Through his work overseas, he learned the reknown "Fiery Ball Bandit" technique still used today. His charitable work backfired however, and led to the infamous Polyneisian Civil War and unsuing massacres. Chris narrowly escaped with his life, but he left Polynesia without his left cheek (now replaced by a fashionable metal plate.) Although he rarely speaks of such tragedy today, his experience give him a rough-and-rowdy native style that many copy and none achieve. True to his nature of charity, he now works for the SLUH Dodgeball Club, hoping to spread the art of the game he brought to the world.
	Tech Support - Nick Pelikan Nick Pelikan can bench press your cat. Nick Pelikan has experience. Nick Pelikan served three years on a congressional commitee for sanitation. Nick Pelikan was born to poor quadriplegic immigrants. Nick Pelikan INVENTED the Chuck Norris joke. Nick Pelikan helped his father in an illegal kidney harvesting operation. Nick Pelikan will be your voice in Washington.